It’s Snowing Here Today

February 19, 2012 at 6:22 pm (Uncategorized)

I woke up to snow this morning. I am telling you, it is the yard full of robins we get every February that does it. who needs the groundhog guys. I am venturing out this afternoon in our two inches(oh you though in feet) of snow to go to lunch with a good friend. I get two days off, usually I am taking care of my mom all day doing her errands as she can not get out too much anymore. I did the errand yesterday with the idea I would try to stay home today just to see what it feels like since it has been so long for me. So the phone rang at seven this morning to a friend wanting to go to church first, then just the idea of getting out of the house for a while. Her husband was out to MT Spokane doing a carpet laying job today, so she was alone.

I was just looking over my Amazon.com page and saw a great picture of my son Levi. Boy do I miss him. He was a fine young man who died to soon. I was blessed to have been given the opportunity to raise a fine young man for as long as I was given. Many people have their own ideas on the subject, but I am thankful I had Levi even if for just a little while. Levi gave so much material to use in my first book “Healing in the Storms” from outskirtspress.com. It was hard for Levi and I after Jerry died from his disease. Levi was four when his dad passed away. I struggled like so many single parents do. it is hard to be mom and dad both. You seem to get all the criticism on the job you are doing raising your young son. Thank God those years are over. I did look forward to being a grandmother one day, but sometime life takes a different direction than you may have planned. But when life throws you the many curve balls it has been known to do, you just get up and keep moving forward in the life you have left to live. I know this seems like an easy thing to do, it is not. Life like attitudes are choices. I could have become bitter at God, and my life could have become a mess.

After I had lost Levi, people would tell me”Is that how Levi would have wanted you to feel?” One day I said to someone “he is not here, so I don’t care what he would have thought.” It is funny to me how folks try to help you over the grief you feel. I know they tried, but here needs to be a book out on “What Not To Say To A Parent Who Has Lost A Child” I don’t know if it would be a best seller or not, but it would help others to have an idea what could be said. I know it is a touchy subject. People ask me if it gets easier as time goes on. Yes it does, but you never stop missing them or wonder where they would have been today and what would they be doing. Would they still had the same job or a new one. Birthdays are hard, Levi and mine. I sometimes dream of riding around town with my son and talking. I like the dream, but it does not help with reality.

I have a twin brother. We do not live in the same city. I sometimes get envious of twins who can live together or at least see each other everyday. Jeff left home at nineteen. he went into the Military. He never really came back here to North Idaho except maybe a ten-day visit. When my son passed away, he came every four months for a visit. Sometimes I get envious because Jeff has a beautiful daughter that still lives with him. I struggle sometimes that on Mine and Jeff’s Birthday, he can take his wife and daughter out to dinner. Six years ago, Levi took my mom and I out to dinner on my Birthday. I cherish the fond memories. People ask if I still hurt.Yes I do, you never get over the pain, it just lessons in intensity the more that time goes on.

LIVE YOUR LIFE TO THE FULLEST EVERYDAY. DO NOT LOOK BACK ON YOUR PAST MISTAKES.LOOK AHEAD TO THE FUTURE AND WHAT IT HOLDS FOR YOU. YOU WILL ALWAYS LEARN FROM YOUR PAST MISTAKES, JUST DO NOT LOOK BACK WITH SORROW. LIFE CAN CHANGE IN A MOMENT, MAKE AS MANY LSTING MEMORIES AS WE CAN TODAY, THEN YOU WILL NOT REGRET WHAT YOU DID NOT GET AROUND TO TOMORROW.

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