I Could have Only Imagined

October 28, 2012 at 11:19 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , )

I could only imagine.

When other spouses went through after losing the most important person in their life. we never expect it to happen to us. We think this ideal life will keep on forever. That is why you are not prepared when an unexpected death happens. My husband died from complications from diabetes 6 years after we married. There are no words to express the depth of grief I felt that day Jerry died. One evening we put our son to bed, and we watched a movie. When we kissed and said I love you in bed, I had no way of knowing my life would forever change the next morning. Jerry suffered a grand moll seizure during the night. The next morning, I took my young son to our neighbors after calling the paramedics. The ambulance transported Jerry to the hospital. I remember a police officer driving me to the hospital. I appreciated his support. When I arrived at the Emergency room, the doctor had a grim prognosis. Jerry died one hour later.

There are no words to describe the depth of grief you feel after such a loss. You wonder how you can survive such a loss, you wonder what is going to happen now? How are you going to tell your young son daddy isn’t coming home from the hospital?  I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, and  I couldn’t stop crying.  Christmas and my son Levi’s birthday were a few days away. I didn’t feel like celebrating the holiday, but I knew I had to for Levi. Before Jerry died, he bought Levi and I gifts. The weirdest thing was, he bought me two sweat pant outfits. He told my mom, he wanted to make sure I stayed warm that winter. Levi’s grandparents and I celebrated the holiday and Levi’s birthday. I survived the festivities, but I missed my husband so much.

It is has been 22 years since Jerry died.  As a single parent, I had many difficulties and hardships. I became the sole provider for my family. With God’s guidance, I raised Levi from childhood through his teens-no easy feat. People often ask me why I am still single. Levi was always my first priority. People treat you different when you have a child from a previous relationship. I was looking out for my son’s best interest.

We never know what life has in store. I never thought I would say goodbye to my husband so soon after we married. In writing my stories about my  husband and son, God is bringing back long forgotten memories. We cannot change the past, we can only move forward to the good things our future hold. I could not  imagine my life would be forever changed in a moment. This has been a long road from heartbreak, to finding hope,healing, and happiness again in my life. Life is good indeed. Please like.



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