Paying school Supplies Forward

July 24, 2015 at 8:27 pm (Creative Non- Fiction, Memoir, Single Parent) (, , , )

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My day started out like so many,

I had a couple of errands to run, and then a quick-lunch with a close friend. I went into Walmart to get a few groceries for my mom. I ran across the school supply isle.Seeing the supplies brough back memories of not only buying clothes and backpack items,but I also could not afford them. I was raising my son as a single parent after my husband died from complications of his disease. I was mother,father and sole provider for my family of two. I had a choice for a few years, buy groceries or Levi’s school clothes and  I remember how I felt when my parents had to help me. As Levi entered middle school, my finances increases where I could buy the endless back-to school need. (note,it is interesting what a young pre-teen deems needed) 

I remember looking at the loose school supplies up and down the isles. I noticed a few put together clear plastic bags with basic supplies in them. I picked up a few and bought them for my son Levi’s honor who died in a tragic car accident in 2007. I remember him going to his church and helping put back packs together for kids to come a pick the one they wanted. I wanted to pay forward what my parents did for me a few short years ago. 

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Happy Easter Everyone

April 5, 2015 at 1:39 am (Creative Non- Fiction, Middle age, Poetry, Single Parent) (, , , )

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Letters From heaven

February 25, 2015 at 10:12 pm (Creative Non- Fiction, Life beyond parenting, Middle age, Poetry, Single Parent) (, , , , , )

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I was sitting here at my computer thinking of a new story idea.

I glanced over at my son Levi’s photo taken eight years ago. So much has changed my son passed away in a tragic car accident at age 20. My life was forever changed in so many ways that day. I went from looking forward to my son visiting me( once he moved out, I had to track him down) to thoughts of seeing him again one day in heaven.

I can almost imagine one last conversation we could have. I love you mom, you were the best mother I could have ever wanted. You took good care of my dad and I until my dad died one day. I didn’t really understand why he didn’t come home that morning. I remember how sad you were. you tried to explain to me that daddy was really sick and Jesus took him home to be with him. I remember you threw me my birthday party when I turned four(ten days after daddy died). I cannot imagine how hard it was for you trying to take care of me and work. I know I could be a brat( nooo not Levi). I watched you struggle in working,providing for me, keeping the house warm, and making sure I was home on time for dinner- we always ate at the dinner table together because we were a family. I cannot tell you how proud I am of you mom. When I died, you did not let anger and depression rule your life. You trusted Jesus to get you through the dark days like you did when we lost my dad. I always remember you started everyday with coffee and Jesus. You were always writing in your journal. I often wanted to take a peak,but was afraid most of it was about me. I always thought to myself that if I had kids one day, I hope I could be half the dad that my mom was to me. You are pretty special mom.  keep smiling mom and I will see you really soon.

Love always,

Levi

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My Very Handsome Valentine Date

February 14, 2015 at 9:33 pm (Creative Non- Fiction, Life beyond parenting, Memoir, Single Parent, Sons) (, , , )

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After the death of my husband ,I always tried to take my son Levi out once a week. It started on valentines day. I was sad because this was my first holiday since Jerry has passed away from complications of diabetes.

I thought” I am not going to sit here and feel sorry for myself when I have a very handsome date playing in his bedroom”. We both changed clothes and went out to a nice dinner at Burger King( okay, my date was four years old). Then we went to the toy store to shop after dinner.Levi chose a match box car to add to his growing collection.

Most of Levi’s friends had two parents,being a single parent, Levi knew I could not afford the nicer toys so he didn’t ask me for them.

On my seven year anniversary, Levi and I went out to dinner and a movie. it was nice to get out for the evening- I didn’t stay home feeling sorry for myself and get depressed.I felt I could still have a fun evening plus I had a very handsome date.

Happy Valentines day to all my friends and family. make it a special day shared by those you hold near and dear. hug your kids extra tight and tell them how much they mean to you. I am glad I made everyday count with Levi for one day in July 2007, my life was forever changed again with the death of my son. he was only 20.

Revised excerpt

Healing in the Storms.

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Would You Live your Life Over Again?

January 6, 2015 at 4:36 am (Creative Non- Fiction, Memoir, Single Parent, Survivor, Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

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Someone once asked me if I could live my life over again would I.

I answered him yes I would.He was surprised at my answer because he had known me for several years. He knew of the many struggles I have had in my life. I also reminded my dear friend that I have had God watching over me and I trust in Him. I remember he told me I was a brave person because if I had lived my life over, my husband and son would still be here. I told my friend God has walked me through some of the darkest days of my life and He would stand beside me again and again . I appreciate the question though. Many people cannot believe I live with such a strong belief in God, after loosing my son in a tragic car accident in 2007, I chose to trust God not become bitter and angry at him.

Being a survivor has its struggles. I miss the bright spot in my life. Levi was the best gift god could have given to me. I am proud of the fine young man he had become. I also feel blessed to have been a wife and mother even if for a little while. My life had changed in a moment, but by the love and support of my family and friends, I living my life to the fullest. I did not know then I would become a writer, or a published author. I write because I enjoy sharing with you the many happy memories I had with my young family. My life has forever changed, but for the better. I know I will see my husband and son again soon. I live each day with thankfulness in my heart. There is so much beauty around us from falling snow to listening to the children as they sled down the hill again. I love hearing the families as they are walking the dog (or the dog pulling the kids in the sled).

Sometimes life throws you a curve ball you didn’t see coming. I heard it said you can’t change your circumstances but you can change your attitude in your circumstances. What a true statement. I look forward to a wonderful 2015. I thank you so much for your support and visiting my blog.

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I Light A candle In Memory Of My Son Levi

December 18, 2014 at 8:18 pm (Creative Non- Fiction, Life beyond parenting, Uncategorized, Writing) (, , , , , )

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Over the years I have heard it said

parents should not bury their children, the children should be the ones who bury the parents. For many of us our lives had taken a different direction. My son Levi died in July 2007 in a tragic car accident. He was only 20. Tonight with honor for my son, I light a candle. Christmas has not been the same without you Levi. I used to watch your little face light up as you opened your presents from Santa Now I buy two gifts for Toys for Tots to bring brightness to another child’s christmas. This time of year can bring so much sadness, it is true, but God gives us the strength and grace to see another day through. Levi left us too soon, but I will always remember the fine young man he had become.

I understand the feeling of not wanting to celebrate the holiday Again this year. Depression is a hard emotion to work through. You may be feeling blue because the grandkids can’t visit this year, or finances are tight this year. I have been there also you keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. Soon the holiday ends and a new year will begin.

I usually enjoy  decorating my house in simple Victorian finery, I buy the few gifts for friends and family on the list, enjoy what the holiday may bring. I  put on some Christmas music, put my Victorian village together, and try to stay in the spirit of the season. There is still so much to be thankful for. I love and miss my son so much, but I also have the fond memories to bring a smile to my heart.

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Some Of The Best Compliments Come from Kids

October 6, 2014 at 8:02 pm (Creative Non- Fiction, Life beyond parenting, Memoir, Middle age, Writer's writing, Writing) (, , )

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I remember the best conversation I had with my son.

When my son was in grade school, he invited me to see his school play. I took the afternoon off and sat down next to a friend of mine. When Levi saw me, he smiled at me. I didn’t realize Levi had a small singing part in the play. What a great voice(I think the other children sang well also). That evening Levi and I went out for dinner and to the toy store at the mall.

One morning, Levi came out of his bedroom and made my day. He told me” mom, you always come to my plays, take me to the spaghetti feed and book fair at school. When we go somewhere, you always look nice. you have makeup, wear nice clothes not  sweats with holes in them.You don;t wear big sweatshirts with paint on it. Your hair looks nice not in a greasy ponytail like some mothers.” What a nice feeling. As a single parent to my young son, I tried to keep myself up because it is important to me. That day, I realized our kids watch us more than we think they do. 

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Signs Of Spring

April 2, 2014 at 9:36 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , )

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I would love to be able to have a beautiful garden like this one.

Such a beautiful place to have morning coffee enjoying hearing the birds sing. I have a nice sized backyard, but no real-time to care for it. I have a memorial garden for my son Levi who died in a car accident in 2007. I try to plant butterfly plants every season to enjoy. Last year I saw a lone white butterfly fluttering around my yard trying to find a place to land. This year I am plantinga real butterfly garden. I tend to have a black thumb when it comes to gardening, so I need an easy care yard.

Also last year, two birds got into a huge brawl in one of my pine trees. The fight started out on the telephone lines you see. One bird was mouthing off to another bird on the fence. the two entered the pine tree and started fighting. The one bird knocked the other out of the tree to the ground I could not believe it. The bird went back into the tree and fought some more before flying away. I was left with what just happened? Such excitement for a quiet neighborhood as all the kids on the block are now twenty- something.

I think this year eveyone is looking forward to spring; the warmer sunny days,  sitting on the front porch with iced tea. Families are out biking,the kids are outside with chalk, or playing in their battery operated cars, it is fun to watch the kids help mommy and daddy play in the dirt. Time also to tune up the old lawn mower. Everyone’s mood seems to improve with spring. hearing the birds chirp in the morning,(not brawl, just chirpping happily). And of course seeing all the newborn animals.it is fun to drive by the farms and see the calfs, ponies, lambs, bunnies, chickens with the babies gathered around. 

 I can remember when I was a girl, buying my first lamb. What a thrill-untill my brother and I found out you get up at 6 a.m. to start caring for it. Before and after school, we walked our lambes 0ne mile. Jeff and I were in 4-H club together. What treasured memories I have of growing up with all the different animals. Most of my friends envied me for living on our farm. They would come over and ride the horses after school. Those were the good old days when time seemed simpler than now. Jeff and I didn’t have much time to get into trouble because we were busy with the animals and getting ready for the fair. Life is good indeed!

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Remembering My Son Levi

December 12, 2013 at 10:24 pm (Creative Non- Fiction, positive thinking, Single Parent) (, , , , , )

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Over the years I have heard it said

parents should not bury their children, the children should be the ones who bury the parents. For many of us our lives had taken a different direction. My son Levi died in July 2007 in a tragic car accident. He was only 20. Tonight with honor for my son, I light a candle. Christmas has not been the same without you Levi. I used to watch your little face light up as you opened your presents from Santa Now I buy two gifts for Toys for Tots to bring brightness to another child’s christmas. This time of year can bring so much sadness, it is true, but God gives us the strength and grace to see another day through. Levi left us too soon, but I will always remember the fine young man he had become.

I understand the feeling of not wanting to celebrate the holiday Again this year. Depression is a hard emotion to work through. You may be feeling blue because the grandkids can’t visit this year, or finances are tight this year. I have been there also you keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. Soon the holiday ends and a new year will begin.

I usually enjoy  decorating my house in simple Victorian finery, I buy the few gifts for friends and family on the list, enjoy what the holiday may bring. I  put on some Christmas music, put my Victorian village together, and try to stay in the spirit of the season. There is still so much to be thankful for. I love and miss my son so much, but I also have the fond memories to bring a smile to my heart.

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It Is Amazing What A Skiff Of Snow Will Do….

December 5, 2013 at 6:15 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , )

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It snowed during the night. 

Just a skiff mind you, just enough to get me back into the holiday mood. I put Christmas music on, burning a winter inferno candle, and I have just finished putting together my Victorian village. I am ready. It is sometimes hard to get into the holiday spirit since my son Levi’s death 6 years ago.I would love to buy him his favorite cologne.In his honor, I buy 2 gifts for Toys for Tots.Christmas has sure changed the last few years.But I am keeping a peace in me in knowing my son smiles from heaven and is proud of me.  

There are so many struggling this holiday season. Some families are just trying to put food on the table, others are trying to keep heat in the house. it seems like everyone is going through something this year. I hear so many saying they can’t wait for the new year. Even in our struggles, there is so much to be thankful for everyday. Some have their families they see everyday, hug them extra tight. Some have been through some unimaginable struggles this year, I think they are thankful to be alive. Some feel depressed this time of year, I wish you peace this holiday season.

It does not matter what your circumstances are, how many gifts you can buy this year or not be able to buy. I cherish all the memories I was blessed with of christmas pasts. Watching my son Levi sledding behind his grandpa’s jeep or building a snow fort, seeing his happy cold little face light up drinking hot cocoa. I  have memories of my parents hosting the sledding parties. My dad pulled everyone around the neighborhood in his 1946 Willies jeep. I can always find something to bring a smile to my fac when I start to get depressed. I hope this holiday finds you happy, healthy, and full of grace for even uncle… we had to invite to dinner again this year. It is only for a few hours, and so many don’t have family around them this year. Life is good indeed.

 

 

 

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