Remembering A Comedy Legend

August 13, 2014 at 6:12 pm (Creative Non- Fiction, Memoir, Poetry, Uncategorized) (, , , , )

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Sometimes the people who brings us the most joy,

are hiding the deepest pain.

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Single Parenting Isn’t For Wimps

May 30, 2014 at 3:54 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , )

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Ever felt like this mother tiger?

I think we all have at one time or another. What we don’t see in the picture, is the other cubs running for cover because they are next! Single parenting isn’t for wimps, it takes a strong, creative, often times humorous approach. Often times the significant other turned out being  not so significant or there is a divorce or death. I know from my experience, you are judged when people hear you are a single parent. There is an automatic assumption you are divorced-that was not true in my case.

My husband died six short years after we were married. He died from complications from his disease. I was left to raise my young son alone. I remember feeling so lost, I was now mother, father, and sole provider of my family of two. I was fortunate my husband and I shared the household duties together. He didn’t pay the bills and I care for the house sort of thing. We agreed early in our marriage we are a couple, and we take care of the house together. When our son turned three, he pushed his toy lawn mower a safe distance behind his dad’s, They both owned had all the proper lawn care equipment. Levi had his plastic rake,wheel barrow, hoe and shovel. One mother never know when the boys are going to plant a flower or two for you.

I have to be honest, my husband was not macho. Meaning he helped with the house work. I came home early from work one evening. My husband was busy vacuuming the house with our son right behind him with his toy vacuum. Levi was so cute trying  keep up with his dad. Then Levi put away his vacuum in the closet. Do I dare say, he owned his own broom and mop also? he did indeed. I have fond memories of when my household was alive. My life was forever changed when my husband suffered a fatal seizure. There are no words to describe the grief I felt that day. Single parenthood presented many challenges and difficulties, but Levi and I survived them all. I raised him from childhood through his teens-no easy feat. there were days I wanted to laugh,cry and string him up by his toes-Sometimes all on the same day. I would not trade the gift I had been given as a wife and mother even if for a little while.

My life was forever changed again in July 2007 when Levi set off with some friends to float the river. By that evening, Levi was involved in a fatal traffic accident. He was only 20. The night before the accident, Levi and I put gas in his new car. I am forever thankful for God’s wisdom to give my son gas money. We laughed and joked in the car. On the way home when Levi thanked me for the money, we said I love you, we had no idea these would be the last words spoken to each other.  I am so proud of the fine young man Levi had become. Single parenthood indeed is not for wimps. We don’t know what tomorrow may bring, but we can train our children up the way they should go today.

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Publishing Your First Book

October 18, 2013 at 9:42 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , )


Three years ago I had my first book published.

 It has been san amazing adventure from the concept of my book, writing the book, and finally seeing it published. The first time you see your first box of books on your doorstep is exciting. The realization sets in-you are an author. Deciding to write my manuscript took some time. It was not untill after the deaths of both my husband and my son did friends and family suggest I write my story. I am glad I listened  because God had blessed this project above my wildest dreams. When people ask me how many copies I have sold or how much money I have made so far, I tell that is not important to me. When I found out the Hospice staff had all read my book and recommend it to their clients, it doesn’t get any better than this. I did not write my first book to sell a million copies or get rich, I wanted to help families who have suffered some of the loss I had and encourage them through the stories that life does move forward and the pain will lessen. 

I have had friends tell me they thought they knew me. After reading the book they now tell me they know me on a deeper level. Some of the stories were easy to write, others more painful. I have been asked what was the hardest story to write? Writing about my son isn’t easy,  I write to help keep his memory alive. My life had changed in a moment, I was a wife and mother living in a lively house filled with friends and family.One day it all changed. Life keeps us moving forward not only in healing but in the good things God still has for us. I find it is the small things in life that are worthwhile. I take time to smell the roses in this hectic life we live. Life is good indeed!

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A Rememberance Of My Son

July 20, 2013 at 9:37 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , )

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Six years ago today my son Levi

set out with some friends to float the river. By that evening both our lives were changed forever. Levi was involved in a tragic traffic accident. After five days and countless prayers later, I made the painful decision to withdraw his life support. There are no words to describe my feelings today. Some would say to let go of Levi. I had to realize people mean well in their intentions or advice, but they do not understand the struggles. People do not mean to be hurtful in the comments. Sometimes I know they do not know what to say.

everyone handles grief different. No one really ever gets over the loss The pain just eases over the years. Some friends of mine and my mom and I are going to dinner and celebrate Levi tonight. I work graveyard shift so I will keep my mind busy tonight as well.

People remember your laughter, your mischievous smile the twinkle in your eyes and your appetite for life.  If anyone has a story to share about my son,please share I would love to hear the memories you have of Levi.

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Where Is Our Great Nation heading?

April 18, 2013 at 1:51 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )




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I was stunned to hear the news.

Not yet another  senseless tragedy. I could not believe  what my eyes were seeing. A bomb going off at The Boston Marathon.  When will we feel a sense of security again? maybe not ever I am afraid. It is sad that a marathon in Boston was the latest tragedy. It is getting to the point where you don’t want to go to the store, send your children to school or let them play outside. When will this craziness stop? If this can happen in Boston, I cannot imagine what will happen in the next few months with city fun runs and kids sports kicking off soon. 

People used to say they would not travel to another country, there is too much violence… Well, I think pretty soon the same people will be saying they won’t travel to this city in America because there is too much violence in it. I think folks will reconsider where they travel for vacations this year. Unfortunately, I think this level of violence is only going to increase. At least authorities have a suspect , although no arrests have been made.

I am saddened for our children. There has been such a fear instilled into them. Parents are afraid to send their children to school, teachers are afraid to teach the kids for fear of a gun or knife being brought into school. What has happened  to our great country that we are dealing with this kind of  tragedies more frequently?  Summer vacation used to be something a family looked forward to, now there isn’t anywhere I care to visit as a tourist. Getting scary out there.

I don’t know about you, but I feel we as a nation-

We should have the right to feel safe in our community.

We should have the right for our children to feel safe while at school.

A teacher should have the right to feel safe while teaching your kids at school.

No child should go hungry tonight.

No parent or animal should feel hungry tonight.

We should feel safe to attend a movie with our family.

We should feel safe walking down our streets.



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My Journey To Finding Happiness Again

March 24, 2013 at 4:31 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )








Life can change in a moment.


One day, you are living your best life ever, the next day your world can come crashing down around you. What do you do when tragedy strikes?  How do we survive a loved ones disease, and how do we survive the loss of that loved one? Sometimes we do not realize how fragile life really is. We never know how we deal with life changing circumstances until we are faced with them.

I have been a care giver since I was a teenager. my dad had been sick as long as I can remember. I would help care for my dad while my mom worked. Caring for my dad taught me compassion and responsibility. I had always pursued a career as a paramedic. I found out there were height and weight requirements for the job. I was disappointed to learn I did not meet the requirements for the job. I went into the Health care field and I have found it very rewarding. 

When my husband and I married, we thought we would grow old together, envisioned a life raising ou family, looked forward to retiring some day, imagined a life as proud grandparents to our son’s children. My life had taken a different direction. My husband had complications from his diabetes. He died just 6 short years after we married. I was left to raise my young son alone. Single parenthood presented many challenges. I was mother, father, and sole provider for my family of two now. I had many hardships and difficulties raising my son, but Levi and survived them all. I raised my son from childhood through his teens. 

After the death of my husband I was overwhelmed with the awesome responsibility of raising my son alone. I suffered from depression. When Levi went to school, I stayed on the couch. I not only suffered the loss of my husband,but my income was cut in half. Levi was a strong-willed child. There were days I did not think I had the strength to care for him as a good mother should. I always drew my strength from God. I had to realize life was going to be okay and I can get through being a single parent. I also had to deal with critical comments from people in my life. Being a single parent was hard enough, I felt like I really had no support. I am happy to say I did not drink, smoke or do drugs during this trying time in my life. I still am just a coffee drinker. mainly because there are so many yummy coffee creamers out there to try. 

People talk about depression and it’s effects. I can tell you depression does hurt. You feel lonely, you feel sad all the time, you say ‘I am fine’ when you feel like your whole world has ended. I had to care for my young son who needed me to be available for him. There were not many people I could talk to about my struggle because I was told to get over it Levi needs me. What people do not realize is yes, my son needed me, but I had to take care of me too.


As Levi entered his teens, he had his own struggles I had to deal with. Levi’s grandpa died when Levi was 15 years old he was devastated. Now I had to deal with and help my son through his depression. Levi was put on medication so you could stand to be around him and his attitude problem. Growing up is tough as a teenager.Then of course, we as parents do not know anything….

  About this time, Levi moved in to help his grandma after his grandpa passed away. Levi told his grandma ‘I will take care of you grandma’ I laugh at the thought.


In July 2007, my son set off with some friends to float the river, by that evening both our lives were changed forever. Levi was involved in a tragic car accident. There are no words to describe the depth of grief I felt that day. One day you are putting gas in your sons’ new car, the next day, Levi was fighting for his life. People have often asked me how could I survive such a loss. I have a strong faith in God and I realize the deaths of both my husband and my son did not mean it was the death of me as well. For me, healing is accepting the loss and know I will keep moving forward in the good things God still has for me. it has been a long journey from feeling overwhelmed, depressed, hopeless, to joy, living my dreams, feeling useful instead of useless, encouraging others to live the dreams they envisioned and not let fear rule their hearts. Life is good indeed.



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I Smile down On you From Heaven

February 7, 2013 at 6:01 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , )










I smile down from Heaven on you

 I watch you as you sleep; I watch you as you

  laugh, and I watch you as weep.

When you cry tears, make them of joy not sorrow

for I really am happy here. I am in a wonderful place, 

a place full of joy, beauty where tears never fall.

Your life had changed forever one day, but my memory lives on in your stories.

If I could say one last thing it would be how

much I love you, I miss your smile, your laugh,

and how much you supported me and always had faith in me.

Your faith in God kept you strong. He keeps you moving in the right direction.

I can’t wait to see you again mom; To hug you, show you the beauty of Heaven. 

I will never forget the mom who never gave up on me in my darkest times,

a mother who always saw the best in me and knew I would be alright.

When I lost hope, you were there in my corner cheering me on.

My gift back to you mom, is how much you mean to me and I am glad

God had chosen you to be my mom.

Love you mom.

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Finding Happiness Again

January 21, 2013 at 3:35 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


When my husband and I married, we thought we would grow old together, we envisioned ourselves raising children, talked about traveling when we retired, and imagined a life as proud grandparents someday. We were blessed with a miracle baby. Because of my husband’s disease, we had a ten percent chance of ever conceiving a child. God had other plans for our lives. Levi was the best gift God could have given us. My life was forever changed 6 short years after we married. My husband’s life was cut short due to complications from his diabetes.


Suddenly I was left with the awesome responsibility of raising my young son alone. Single parenthood presented many hardships and difficulties. Levi and I survived them all.My life was once again forever changed. I lost Levi in a tragic car accident in July 2007. He was only 20. I am healing more everyday. If I had not had my life changing moments, I would not be the person I am today. I have a new purpose for my life. It has been a long, painful journey. I find strength in my morning devotions, my writing and many friendships. I am able to reach out to others with words of encouragement. As I heal, I remember things I have long forgotten. When I drive by Levi’s old grade school, I imagined seeing him playing on the playground, I had a lunch date with Levi in the school cafeteria (we would look over the school menu on the couch and plan when I would come), when I see the snow-covered ground reminds me when Levi spent hours outside making his snow tunnels and forts. I have cherished memories of a son I love and miss dearly.

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Memorial candle Light Service

December 13, 2012 at 5:50 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

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Tonight I will light a candle

in your memory. I will always remember the fine young man you had become Levi. Our lives were forever changed with the death of your daddy. As a single parent raising my young son alone we endured many hardships and difficulties. Levi and I survived them all.

One sunny sunday morning Levi and some friends set out to float the river by that evening both out lives would again be forever changed. Leviwas involved in a tragic car accident. he was only 20. I am proud of the fine young man Levi had become. I remember his laughter,his mischeivious smile, his sparkle in his eyes, and his generous spirit. 

The night before his accident we put gas in his new car. I am glad I shared my tips with my son that night. I was blessed with one last ride in Levi’s car. We laughed and talked on the way home.what a treasured memory I have been given to always remember.

You will spend Christmas in Heaven again this year. You will have celebrated your 26th birthday this year. I know you look down from heaven and smile upon my life. The greatest comfort I have is knowing I will see you again. I love you son.

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I Could have Only Imagined

October 28, 2012 at 11:19 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , )

I could only imagine.

When other spouses went through after losing the most important person in their life. we never expect it to happen to us. We think this ideal life will keep on forever. That is why you are not prepared when an unexpected death happens. My husband died from complications from diabetes 6 years after we married. There are no words to express the depth of grief I felt that day Jerry died. One evening we put our son to bed, and we watched a movie. When we kissed and said I love you in bed, I had no way of knowing my life would forever change the next morning. Jerry suffered a grand moll seizure during the night. The next morning, I took my young son to our neighbors after calling the paramedics. The ambulance transported Jerry to the hospital. I remember a police officer driving me to the hospital. I appreciated his support. When I arrived at the Emergency room, the doctor had a grim prognosis. Jerry died one hour later.

There are no words to describe the depth of grief you feel after such a loss. You wonder how you can survive such a loss, you wonder what is going to happen now? How are you going to tell your young son daddy isn’t coming home from the hospital?  I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, and  I couldn’t stop crying.  Christmas and my son Levi’s birthday were a few days away. I didn’t feel like celebrating the holiday, but I knew I had to for Levi. Before Jerry died, he bought Levi and I gifts. The weirdest thing was, he bought me two sweat pant outfits. He told my mom, he wanted to make sure I stayed warm that winter. Levi’s grandparents and I celebrated the holiday and Levi’s birthday. I survived the festivities, but I missed my husband so much.

It is has been 22 years since Jerry died.  As a single parent, I had many difficulties and hardships. I became the sole provider for my family. With God’s guidance, I raised Levi from childhood through his teens-no easy feat. People often ask me why I am still single. Levi was always my first priority. People treat you different when you have a child from a previous relationship. I was looking out for my son’s best interest.

We never know what life has in store. I never thought I would say goodbye to my husband so soon after we married. In writing my stories about my  husband and son, God is bringing back long forgotten memories. We cannot change the past, we can only move forward to the good things our future hold. I could not  imagine my life would be forever changed in a moment. This has been a long road from heartbreak, to finding hope,healing, and happiness again in my life. Life is good indeed. Please like.


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