Would You Live your Life Over Again?

January 6, 2015 at 4:36 am (Creative Non- Fiction, Memoir, Single Parent, Survivor, Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

download (5)

 

Someone once asked me if I could live my life over again would I.

I answered him yes I would.He was surprised at my answer because he had known me for several years. He knew of the many struggles I have had in my life. I also reminded my dear friend that I have had God watching over me and I trust in Him. I remember he told me I was a brave person because if I had lived my life over, my husband and son would still be here. I told my friend God has walked me through some of the darkest days of my life and He would stand beside me again and again . I appreciate the question though. Many people cannot believe I live with such a strong belief in God, after loosing my son in a tragic car accident in 2007, I chose to trust God not become bitter and angry at him.

Being a survivor has its struggles. I miss the bright spot in my life. Levi was the best gift god could have given to me. I am proud of the fine young man he had become. I also feel blessed to have been a wife and mother even if for a little while. My life had changed in a moment, but by the love and support of my family and friends, I living my life to the fullest. I did not know then I would become a writer, or a published author. I write because I enjoy sharing with you the many happy memories I had with my young family. My life has forever changed, but for the better. I know I will see my husband and son again soon. I live each day with thankfulness in my heart. There is so much beauty around us from falling snow to listening to the children as they sled down the hill again. I love hearing the families as they are walking the dog (or the dog pulling the kids in the sled).

Sometimes life throws you a curve ball you didn’t see coming. I heard it said you can’t change your circumstances but you can change your attitude in your circumstances. What a true statement. I look forward to a wonderful 2015. I thank you so much for your support and visiting my blog.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Happiness Comes From Within

April 24, 2013 at 9:53 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

 

 

I remember life growing up on our ranch.

I loved having the animals, but my brother and I soon learned how much work there was in caring for your animals. You rose early in the morning to feed,water,and clean the many animals pens.If you had a lamb you were entering into the fair, every morning and evening after your animal finished eating, you walked that animal for one mile. On our ranch we had a circular driveway I forget how many times around the driveway counted as the mile. A couple of weeks before the fair, you ran your lamb around the driveway for the mile. The reason is simple-if you the seller are trying to get top dollar out of your ( not wanting to really sell your beloved pet) lamb,the buyer would not pay much for a flabby lamb. My brother and learned early, if you put the effort into the animal now, it will pay off later. 

I appreciate the chores and the caring I had for my lamb, and horse growing up.My brother and I always had a horse show, or a demonstration day for our rabbits or lambs that kept us busy. Let’s not ever forget getting your homework done in between times. My brother and I learned a good work ethic. There was a joke in my family unless you were dying, you went to school. There is something to be said I think(now) of a good old-fashioned up bringing. we did not have all the materialistic gadgets to occupy our time. we were to busy riding our horses, caring for our rabbits and sheep and cows and chasing off the snakes and skunks and deer and oh dear how much fun we had growing up. Life was simple yes, but we had everything we needed including discipline,work ethic, time management instead of wasting time. 

How sad to me that just twenty or thirty years have gone by and today teens have no idea what respect is anymore. I am not picking on the teens but if I talked to my parents or grandparents the way some teens do, I would not have sat down for a week. You said please and thank you because you were grateful there was food on the table plus it shows respect. We did not ignore and adult if we were spoken to. We did not just keep playing our game of our phone or keep listening to our iPad if we were asked a question. It is almost a sad thought that the good old days really are gone for good. When you had company over for dinner, you played a game or swim in your pool. Afterwards,you had desert. Today, you are lucky a family can have a sit down meal together and discuss the days events. The face of our generation is sure changing and what is unimaginable to me is to think about what is going to become of the next generation of kids. If families don’t have time for dinner now before jetting out the door to dad’s game,what are we teaching our kids on how to raise our grandchildren?thumbnailCACS6RH0

Permalink Leave a Comment

Where Is Our Great Nation heading?

April 18, 2013 at 1:51 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

 

 

 

images (8)

 

I was stunned to hear the news.

Not yet another  senseless tragedy. I could not believe  what my eyes were seeing. A bomb going off at The Boston Marathon.  When will we feel a sense of security again? maybe not ever I am afraid. It is sad that a marathon in Boston was the latest tragedy. It is getting to the point where you don’t want to go to the store, send your children to school or let them play outside. When will this craziness stop? If this can happen in Boston, I cannot imagine what will happen in the next few months with city fun runs and kids sports kicking off soon. 

People used to say they would not travel to another country, there is too much violence… Well, I think pretty soon the same people will be saying they won’t travel to this city in America because there is too much violence in it. I think folks will reconsider where they travel for vacations this year. Unfortunately, I think this level of violence is only going to increase. At least authorities have a suspect , although no arrests have been made.

I am saddened for our children. There has been such a fear instilled into them. Parents are afraid to send their children to school, teachers are afraid to teach the kids for fear of a gun or knife being brought into school. What has happened  to our great country that we are dealing with this kind of  tragedies more frequently?  Summer vacation used to be something a family looked forward to, now there isn’t anywhere I care to visit as a tourist. Getting scary out there.

I don’t know about you, but I feel we as a nation-

We should have the right to feel safe in our community.

We should have the right for our children to feel safe while at school.

A teacher should have the right to feel safe while teaching your kids at school.

No child should go hungry tonight.

No parent or animal should feel hungry tonight.

We should feel safe to attend a movie with our family.

We should feel safe walking down our streets.

 

 

Permalink Leave a Comment

I Really Needed Today…

March 27, 2013 at 9:13 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

coffeshop7

I have been going through

a rough season in my life . I have been trying to keep a positive attitude in this trying circumstance and see the big picture of things.  I have been really trying to keep motivated as not to let depression come in and make itself at home in my life. We face challenges in our lives that can seem overwhelming at times, but we try to remember this is not forever and it has to get better soon.

At least spring is around the corner and we can enjoy some sunny warm days to plant and spruce up the place. After the long days of winter spent inside keeping warm, you look outside at all the projects awaiting you. My lawn guy came yesterday and fertilized the lawn so this is a start. Soon we will be busy pruning,planting mowing, watering and making our gardens beautiful unless you have a black thumb like I do, then you just hope for the best.

My best friend and I went to lunch on Monday. We both just really needed to get away for a couple of hours. We went to a local restaurant to have our usual salad and iced tea. After lunch, while I was paying the bill, my friend went into the living area to set by the fire. We met two beautiful ladies and struck up a conversation. I don’t know how we started talking about our lives, but we found out both women were sisters and had lost their husbands a year ago. I told them I had lost both my husband and my son. my friend told the ladies I had written a book about my experiences. The ladies asked me where they could buy a copy of my book, they wanted to purchase a copy after they left the restaurant. I told them and we all went on our way. My friend and I went to the book store to browse the magazines. When we were leaving, I saw the lady come into the store. She asked me where is my book? We went and found the book and as she was going to pay for her copy,she walked by an elderly lady at the end of the aisle. My new friend told the lady this is the best book ever, and this lady here is the author. After my new friend purchased the book sh asked me if I would sign her copy. ‘Of course’ I said. As I was finishing up, the other lady asked me if I would sign her copy also. I sold two books that day. All because we struck up a conversation with two ladies who had I had also much in common with.

Permalink Leave a Comment

My Journey To Finding Happiness Again

March 24, 2013 at 4:31 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

scan0011

 

 

 

 

 

 

Life can change in a moment.

 

One day, you are living your best life ever, the next day your world can come crashing down around you. What do you do when tragedy strikes?  How do we survive a loved ones disease, and how do we survive the loss of that loved one? Sometimes we do not realize how fragile life really is. We never know how we deal with life changing circumstances until we are faced with them.

I have been a care giver since I was a teenager. my dad had been sick as long as I can remember. I would help care for my dad while my mom worked. Caring for my dad taught me compassion and responsibility. I had always pursued a career as a paramedic. I found out there were height and weight requirements for the job. I was disappointed to learn I did not meet the requirements for the job. I went into the Health care field and I have found it very rewarding. 

When my husband and I married, we thought we would grow old together, envisioned a life raising ou family, looked forward to retiring some day, imagined a life as proud grandparents to our son’s children. My life had taken a different direction. My husband had complications from his diabetes. He died just 6 short years after we married. I was left to raise my young son alone. Single parenthood presented many challenges. I was mother, father, and sole provider for my family of two now. I had many hardships and difficulties raising my son, but Levi and survived them all. I raised my son from childhood through his teens. 

After the death of my husband I was overwhelmed with the awesome responsibility of raising my son alone. I suffered from depression. When Levi went to school, I stayed on the couch. I not only suffered the loss of my husband,but my income was cut in half. Levi was a strong-willed child. There were days I did not think I had the strength to care for him as a good mother should. I always drew my strength from God. I had to realize life was going to be okay and I can get through being a single parent. I also had to deal with critical comments from people in my life. Being a single parent was hard enough, I felt like I really had no support. I am happy to say I did not drink, smoke or do drugs during this trying time in my life. I still am just a coffee drinker. mainly because there are so many yummy coffee creamers out there to try. 

People talk about depression and it’s effects. I can tell you depression does hurt. You feel lonely, you feel sad all the time, you say ‘I am fine’ when you feel like your whole world has ended. I had to care for my young son who needed me to be available for him. There were not many people I could talk to about my struggle because I was told to get over it Levi needs me. What people do not realize is yes, my son needed me, but I had to take care of me too.

 

As Levi entered his teens, he had his own struggles I had to deal with. Levi’s grandpa died when Levi was 15 years old he was devastated. Now I had to deal with and help my son through his depression. Levi was put on medication so you could stand to be around him and his attitude problem. Growing up is tough as a teenager.Then of course, we as parents do not know anything….

  About this time, Levi moved in to help his grandma after his grandpa passed away. Levi told his grandma ‘I will take care of you grandma’ I laugh at the thought.

 

In July 2007, my son set off with some friends to float the river, by that evening both our lives were changed forever. Levi was involved in a tragic car accident. There are no words to describe the depth of grief I felt that day. One day you are putting gas in your sons’ new car, the next day, Levi was fighting for his life. People have often asked me how could I survive such a loss. I have a strong faith in God and I realize the deaths of both my husband and my son did not mean it was the death of me as well. For me, healing is accepting the loss and know I will keep moving forward in the good things God still has for me. it has been a long journey from feeling overwhelmed, depressed, hopeless, to joy, living my dreams, feeling useful instead of useless, encouraging others to live the dreams they envisioned and not let fear rule their hearts. Life is good indeed.


.

 

Permalink 1 Comment

February 20, 2013 at 5:20 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

SUNP0117

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have had a rough couple of weeks.

I finally had some time to read some of my FB posts and saw this quote. Every morning has a beginning,a new blessing and a new hope.  I needed to read this and remember circumstances may look bleak, but with the morning sun also comes new beginnings and sometimes a different outlook. We never know what tomorrow brings do we… 

A dear friend and I went to lunch and shopping today at the local mall. It was nice to get away for a few hours and then head back to reality. My friend is heading back to Ireland next week.  My friend told me she lives in a heritage village,and  flowers are already blooming. I want to be packed in her suitcase and go home with her. A few years ago, this same friend helped me redo my bedroom into a B&B bedroom. She also helped me turn my son’s old bedroom into my dressing room after his death. I have been blessed with a special friend for many years.

May we take time to laugh, hug our children close, tell our children how proud we are of them, tell them we are glad they are in our lives, and take time to smell the roses. Life is too short not to live it to the fullest. My life was forever changed with the deaths of both my husband and my son but I made the choice to find happiness again. I feel so blessed when I drive by my son’s old grade school and remember waving to him on the playground. I have so many great memories of a son I love and miss dearly.

 

 

 

Permalink Leave a Comment

I Smile down On you From Heaven

February 7, 2013 at 6:01 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , )

scan0004

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I smile down from Heaven on you

 I watch you as you sleep; I watch you as you

  laugh, and I watch you as weep.

When you cry tears, make them of joy not sorrow

for I really am happy here. I am in a wonderful place, 

a place full of joy, beauty where tears never fall.

Your life had changed forever one day, but my memory lives on in your stories.

If I could say one last thing it would be how

much I love you, I miss your smile, your laugh,

and how much you supported me and always had faith in me.

Your faith in God kept you strong. He keeps you moving in the right direction.

I can’t wait to see you again mom; To hug you, show you the beauty of Heaven. 

I will never forget the mom who never gave up on me in my darkest times,

a mother who always saw the best in me and knew I would be alright.

When I lost hope, you were there in my corner cheering me on.

My gift back to you mom, is how much you mean to me and I am glad

God had chosen you to be my mom.

Love you mom.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Living Your Dreams

January 26, 2013 at 4:40 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

coffeshop7

I went into the Health Care field having to help care for my dad while my mom worked. My dad had been sick ever since I could remember. In High school, I took my dad to his doctor appointments. Growing up  a young care giver taught me responsibility, compassion. When I graduated from High School my plan was to become a paramedic. There were height and weight requirements to be considered for the program and I was disappointed to find out I did not meet those requirements. I chose the Health Care Field instead. I have found my occupation of choice very rewarding

Permalink 2 Comments

Reinventing Middle Age

One couple's guide to dealing with trials, tribulations, and cosmic crap

Elena Xtina

Poetry & Memoirs

It's All About The Shot

Getting to know your Quadcopter Drone

Blog of a Mad Black Woman

Life Experiences, Quotes & Randoms

Muddling Through My Middle Age

Adventures in Aging.....

Olufunke Kolapo

Healing • Inspiring • Awakening • Fulfilling •

The Lions Den

"Blending the colorful issues of life with the unapologetic truth of scripture." ColorStorm

Nutsrok

The humor and humanity of storytelling.

By Hook Or By Book

Book Reviews, News, and Other Stuff

englishplus966

There is more than meets the eye to being an English teacher, writer, editor, or language connoisseur, especially abroad. This blog is for language teachers, learners, and users alike.

Elyk Photography

Just another WordPress.com weblog

Matt on Not-WordPress

Stuff and things.

Gin Getz

Sharing an untamed view.

laragonphoto.wordpress.com/

Calgary, Alberta | © 2014 - 2016 Leo Aragon

kenssimpleview

A fine WordPress.com site

Brecon Cottages' Blog

Hundreds of beautiful cottages in the Brecon Beacons