Unexpected, Pleasant Surprises

June 14, 2019 at 12:17 am (blogging, Creative Non- Fiction, life lessons, Memoir, Middle age, positive thinking, Uncategorized) (, , , , )

The last couple of weeks have been a busy time for my mom and I. It seems every week, a relative we have not seen in years coming for a visit. My one cousin was on his way to Montana for a long awaited fishing trip and my Aunt and cousin are coming for a short visit next week.  So many family members said they wanted to come for a visit but something always came up. My mom is not able to travel anymore so it is nice the relatives are coming to see her. When the family started moving away, I know it was hard on my mom, she was used to having company often.

The last family reunion we had was eight years ago when my cousins came to visit from Florida and one from Washington State to help me celebrate my birthday.  It was not only a memorable birthday,  my cousins and I also reminisced about riding horses on our ranch and helping my twin brother walk our lambs one mile around our circular driveway. There was much fun playing with the rabbits, chasing the chickens until the banty rooster decided to chase us for a while. I sure could use a few more birthday celebrations like these.

having so many people come to see us this year makes me want to visit some friends I have not seen in a while. I have been planning a trip to Seattle for five years now.  Between work schedules and family issues, I have not been able to get away. I plan on going to my high school reunion next year. My twin brother and I joked we will be each other’s date for the evening. It will be a nice trip down memory lane catching up with old friends. My brother, best friend and I went to our ten-year class reunion several years ago. I could not remember having a better evening than this.

Life is full of surprises. Some of them are pleasant, some are well (the car needs to be repaired again, or the baby is sick). I love the phone calls that a good friend is on their way over to your house and they brought the meat to BBQ. I realize how busy I have become and need to take time and have a nice evening and spend time with some good company. I older I get, I am thankful for my friends and family that I am blessed to have in my life. I love it when my friend calls me and invites me to spend the afternoon with her going for a drive. We always find a quaint country store and buy an ice cream cone to enjoy. I am beginning to like this season called summer more and more.


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Older and Wiser I Hope

October 7, 2018 at 11:11 pm (blogging, Creative Non- Fiction, grief, Life beyond parenting, life lessons, Memoir, Middle age, positive thinking, Uncategorized) (, , , , )

Last week, my brother and I turned fifty-seven. I can’t talk for my brother, but age to me is just a number. I do not feel older or depressed as some do. My brother and I have difficult circumstances to endure and we are thankful to be on this side of the pain.

I wound like to think I am an easy-going person who takes circumstances in stride. I don’t understand rude behavior in the checkout line, talking loud on the cell phone just because the person was having a bad day and they make sure everyone knows. I do not understand the sassy kids who throw themselves on the floor of the supermarket because they were told they could not have the toy. I do not understand the disrespect of this generation. I was raised with manners and we better remember them when talking to an adult, tantrums were not tolerated and discipline followed.

When I was raising my young son, I was a widow who had the awesome responsibility of raising my young son from childhood through his teens-no easy feat. We had many hardships and difficulties, but I would not trade one them the struggles for anything. When life became difficult with Levi, he always knew I believed in him, I supported him and I was there for him. Many of his friends were not as fortunate. It is always hard to hear when a parent gives up on a child.

Some ask me how am I doing now. I have living life day by day and thankful for great memories I have as a wife and a mother. My life was forever changed in a flash with deaths of both my husband and son, but I have so many fond memories of a house alive with many boys getting ready to paint ball, dad taking his son on a motorcycle ride, pulling the sled around by the ATV, watching Levi build his snow fort, the harvest carnival, the last time we put gas in Levi’s new car. We both never knew our lives would forever change the next evening. I am truly thankful to god for giving me the opportunity to be a wife and mother even if for a little while. Kids are a blessing, hug them extra tight today, let them know how much you love them, how proud of them you are, how much they mean to you, life can change in a moment. 

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Tiny Big Bubble

November 17, 2017 at 8:59 pm (Creative Non- Fiction, grief, Memoir, Middle age, positive thinking, Single Parent) (, , , )



This is one of my treasured pictures I have of my husband and son Levi. This was taken on Easter,when my son was three years old. My husband had asked me if we could put on the Karate gee we had jut bought him for Easter(my husband taught Karate). After Levi opened his gifts, he asked his daddy to blow him a tiny,big bubble. Jerry laughed and the picture made history in my family.

It seems so long ago that this photo was taken.  Jerry had complications with his diabetes and passed away six months later. Words cannot describe the lost feeling I felt as I realized  I was now mom, dad and sole provider to my family of two.  I had a thought one morning while drinking my morning coffee. I could become bitter and angry, about loosing my husband or I can be thankful and live a life reflecting it. I chose to live with a thankful heart.

What seemed like a comet zooming past you pace, Levi had grown into a fine young man. He never liked school,so instead of dropping out of high school, he earned his GED, and our neighbor hired him to help him lay carpeting. I was proud of the young man Levi was becoming. One day Levi told me his boss had an extra carpet in his garage. After buying it, Levi installed the carpet for me. One it was a treat to have new carpet, but the extra bonus is to have your son do the work.  Levi moved out at age 19, to help his grandma after his grandpa suddenly passed away. I turned his old bedroom into my dressing room. I love to get dressed in the morning and put on my pajamas at night.

My awesome son Levi died in 2007 in a tragic car accident. He was only 20. Again, I decided to live my life with a thankful heart. They say when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Some folks pour tons of salt into the lemonade because they feel so broken. I can understand the anguish they feel. Others, pour in too much sugar,maybe to compensate for the feeling of loss. I had to realize that the deaths of both my husband and son did not mean the death of me as well.  Instead of becoming angry and bitter, I chose to trust God.  He has walked me through some of the darkest days of my life and brought back into His light.

I wish everyone the Happiest Thanksgiving. May you be surrounded by those near and dear to your heart. Hug your kids extra tight tonight,let them know how much you love them, how much they mean to you and tell them how proud you are of them. Tell them to reach for the stars, live their dreams, and that you will be there to help them see their full potential. No one is promised tomorrow, so make the best out of each new day you are given and take time to smell the flowers. I am so thankful to you my friends, family and readers who read my posts, leave a comment, and for your love and support.

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Enjoying One day At A Time.

February 12, 2017 at 8:53 pm (Creative Non- Fiction, Middle age, positive thinking, Uncategorized) (, , , , )

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I have heard it said when we lose a child or a spouse,we live the ‘new normal’.  True, my life was forever changed when I tragically lost both my husband and son,but through the grief and healing, I realized their deaths did not mean the death of me as well. I had to find ways to see the joy when the sun came up in the morning, appreciate the chirping of the birds instead of being jealous they were happy and I was not. I had to learn not to isolate myself; I had so many friends who would wonder where I was if I did not show up to church for monday night service, I was always being asked if I have eaten today, people at first keep their distance, being afraid to say the wrong thing to you, I have always knew what I had,when it was time, God helped me to let go.

I am enjoying my middle age life; My husband and I bought our forever home thirty years ago. Our neighborhood was a new sub division with only a few homes. We have made some lasting friendships.Jerry and I thought we would grow old together, we bought our forever home,now we looked forward to starting a family,dreamed of being proud grandparents to our son Levis children,imagined retiring someday. I love my neighborhood,when Jerry and I first moved here, across the street was a big empty field. We knew where the kids were (big kids included)- riding their motorcycles and bikes around the dirt track. Eventually homes were built there, so the kids rode the bikes down by the river nearby and built jumps pretending to compete in a dirt bike race. In the winter, the kids took turns sledding down the hill in front of my house. weekends were spent making a snow fort connecting mine and the neighbor’s yard. Levi and Ashley were busy all weekend, we had to practically drag them in for dinner and bed.

Now, the kids all grown and most of them have moved away, married with kids of their own. I still have some of the neighbors who welcomed my husband Jerry and I to our new house over 30 years ago. We often get together in the evening, talking about when we retire ,as we already survived being empty nesters.  I am buying a motor home and travel like Jerry and I talked and planned to do someday. I would like to take my time and see the Oregon Coast. Time has a way of flying by make the most of your child raising years,make lasting memories that carry on for the next generation of stories,take the time to tell your loved ones how much you love them and are glad they are part of your life.

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The Merry Mix-Up Day

October 17, 2016 at 5:51 pm (Creative Non- Fiction, Life beyond parenting, Memoir, Middle age, positive thinking, Single Parent) (, , , )

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Yesterday was just one of those days.

It all started last week,when my mom was planning a combined party for herself and a friend of ours. I was to buy the groceries the day before the party and go buy the pizza the next afternoon before guests were to arrive. (mom is getting forgetful). She assumed the party started at five pm Guests arrived at noon. I received a call from mom at 12:30 asking me if I had picked up the pizza yet as guests were waiting to eat. I worked the night before and I was not happy about being rushed out the door. I also told mom I was sick and would not as planned be cooking lunch for everyone. It was interesting when I went to order lunch-The guy making the pizzas was on the same wave length as I because he went at a snail’s pace  making four orders for customers complaining the whole time. I paid for pizza and delivered them to her kitchen counter. I felt bad I could not stay but(feeling sick and pizza do not mix).

When I got home I was a little angry at the mix up in plans. I watched some tv and went to bed early. When I got up this morning, I wanted to write a post about my merry mix up day yesterday. Sometimes plans don’t work out as planned as we all know. I need to take a breath and exhale and then look at a new perspective sometimes. The party guests and the combined birthday honorees had a fabulous time. they baked the pizzas and opened gifts and were blessed. I needed to be excluded from the festivities for the afternoon to refresh my tired body and attitude. I will admit it I had a rotten attitude being tired and feeling rushed by mom: things need done right now in her eyes(not my eyes though). I needed to finish my cup of coffee and wake up  before running out the door. plus I had cold medicine in me and needed time for it to wear off before driiving.  You can let the icident ruin your whole day or put on amber colored glasses. I chose to wear the colored glasses. Nothing is as bad as it seems wearing them;  you have time to realize it was just a 5 hour silly mix-up and let it go.

Today I feel better. I had a good night sleep which my body needed, and I can look back on yesterday and smile. I have to remember mom is getting more forgetful and I have to try and be patient with her. It is hard when I am the one taking care of her plus keeping my own house in order. With the love and support from God, I am doing well.  We are called the sandwich generation I laugh because I feel half of my bread is missing. Being a widow, Jerry should be sharing in the fun). I have learned you have to take a breath and have a day off from all obligationsonce a week: I also need to still feel like a daughter and not moms care giver. Mom doesn’t get out as much as she used to. I fight with her to get dressed everyday,take her shower and get back to the mom I once had a few years ago. Life has a new challenge for us everyday doesn’t it? It is easy to forget sometimes to see the beauty in each new day and rejoice what God has given to us.

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Extending Ones Birthday

September 28, 2016 at 6:11 pm (Creative Non- Fiction, Life beyond parenting, Memoir, Middle age, positive thinking, Uncategorized) (, , , , , )

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Yesterday was my twin brother and my birthday. tell my brother that We have reached the milestone ” big “one. I can now get my senior discounts. Some will say nooooooo….. I embrace this time in my life. What is wrong with an extra 10% off on your meal or a pair of pants? ( I see your smirks). And it depends on how much merchandise you have just bought. You may be able to get a coffee.

I was talking to a dear friend yesterday had a senior moment. My friend and I laughed- She right behind me so we will have a lot to talk about soon. I have come to the time in my life I don’t reflect on my future, I have everything I need now. I live in a comfortable home my late husband and I bought together,even though now I have since lost both my beloved husband and my only son, I am content where God has put me. I have been able to overcome my difficult circumstances with the love and support of family and friends. My blog has been a good outlet and I have been blessed with so may kind and comforting words  thank you for reading and supporting my blog.

I still have two more friends I am celebrating my birthday with. Dinner at a nice restaurant tonight and lunch and dinner tomorrow. talk about feeling like a princess. I was thinking yesterday about a memorable birthday. Ten years ago,my son picked me up at my house(he was living with his grandmother and helping her after his grandpa passed away.) He took my mom and I to Olive Garden for dinner. Mom birthday is October, so we all had dinner there to celebrate her day. I was telling God I missed having dinner with my son. God heard my prayer because Levi’s best friend is having me over to his house tomorrow for dinner. Levi and Mike were instant friends since the second grade. I live my life with Gods touch and guidance.

I never thought I would spend my golden years without the two most important men in my life. nobody does. But I choose to live my life to the fullest and be satisfied with the life I have given. Life is made of adjustments isn’t it? We raise our kids and they go off to college or get married,we move to a bigger house to accommodate our now growing family, we may retire and plan to travel, begin a new job, even move to another state to be closer to the kids. We adjust to our ever changing needs don’t we? Stay happy in your life right now, hug your kids extra tight and let them know how much you love them and how proud you are of them They will fly away soon my friends. ( if you are lucky,they will come have dinner with you).

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The Best Is Yet To Come

March 1, 2016 at 9:07 pm (Creative Non- Fiction, Poetry, positive thinking) (, , , , )

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We don’t know what tomorrow holds do we?

 Live life to the fullest, dream your dreams, plan your tomorrow, do what is important today.  We only get once chance to leave our mark in life, make it count. To often, we find ourselves busy with daily obligations to remember the littlest pleasures can still be enjoyed. 

Friends are a special gift from God. They have seen us through our best days and we cried on their shoulders in the worst of times. I could not have survived the loss of both my husband and my son if not for the love and support of family and friends. I don’t take anything for granted. 

Life is what you make it; look for the beauty in each new day,appreciate what today has to offer tomorrow has its own troubles. This thing we call life can take on a life of its own if we let it. Take time to enjoy a sunset, dinner with friends, a family hike or walking the dog. 

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My Very Handsome Valentine Date

February 14, 2015 at 9:33 pm (Creative Non- Fiction, Life beyond parenting, Memoir, Single Parent, Sons) (, , , )

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After the death of my husband ,I always tried to take my son Levi out once a week. It started on valentines day. I was sad because this was my first holiday since Jerry has passed away from complications of diabetes.

I thought” I am not going to sit here and feel sorry for myself when I have a very handsome date playing in his bedroom”. We both changed clothes and went out to a nice dinner at Burger King( okay, my date was four years old). Then we went to the toy store to shop after dinner.Levi chose a match box car to add to his growing collection.

Most of Levi’s friends had two parents,being a single parent, Levi knew I could not afford the nicer toys so he didn’t ask me for them.

On my seven year anniversary, Levi and I went out to dinner and a movie. it was nice to get out for the evening- I didn’t stay home feeling sorry for myself and get depressed.I felt I could still have a fun evening plus I had a very handsome date.

Happy Valentines day to all my friends and family. make it a special day shared by those you hold near and dear. hug your kids extra tight and tell them how much they mean to you. I am glad I made everyday count with Levi for one day in July 2007, my life was forever changed again with the death of my son. he was only 20.

Revised excerpt

Healing in the Storms.

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My Twin Brother

February 6, 2015 at 5:48 pm (Creative Non- Fiction, Memoir, Twins, Uncategorized) (, , , )

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I am glad to have you as my brother.

I always had someone to talk to .

Someone to share my troubles with.

We did our daily chores together,

and enjoyed taking long horseback rides.

We taught our lamb how to walk on a leash.

We ran our lambs for the dreaded mile around the driveway getting ready for the fair.

We shared the same friends.

We even dated each other’s friends.

It was fun growing up with you.

We had a lot of good times, and even in the hardships in growing up,  we both persevered.

God could’t have given me a better friend, and a brother than you.

I am glad that I am your sister.

I love you Jeff.

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The Day Before Thanksgiving, And All Through Our great Nation….

November 26, 2014 at 8:47 pm (Life beyond parenting, Memoir, Uncategorized) (, , , )



On this day before Thanksgiving,

some families are preparing for a day of feasting. Many in our Country are at unrest of an unexpected decision.Many lives were changed in a single moment. Some were happy at the decision, many others were outraged and had taken to the streets in violent outbursts. I pray we will allow God to come in and start healing the anger, the pain, the disappointment and support Michael browns family emotionally. How sad to see a mini Iraq right in our own backyard. There is no easy answer in this situation I understand, but violence of the magnitude is not the answer either. There were so many lives destroyed; many lost their livelihood due to fire and looting, police vehicles were destroyed(who pays for them?) I pray peace can once again come over Ferguson.

As far as the cartoon goes, it is sad we are loosing our holiday for an extra day to shop. I can remembera time not so long ago when you better be prepared on Thanksgiving because everything was closed . Mom and pop stores were open until noon, then they went home to have a meal with loved ones. Tha face of our country is changing it seems. tradition has taken a back seat to greed, so many going hungry, a bigger demand for heat assistance. Back East was clobbered by an incredible snow fall,now starts the massive clean-up effort. However you may celebrate tomorrow, may you be surrounded by those you hold near and dear and I know sometimes Aunt Edna or Uncle Harry can be difficult to be around, we can still learn so much from the wealth of history they bring, When they are gone, there will be no more stories to tell about your rich family history. Cherish the time you have with loved ones. It will my seventh Thanksgiving now without my son Levi, He died in 2007 in a tragic car accident. he was only 20 and went home too soon. Family is everything. Blessings.

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