Happiness Comes From Within

April 24, 2013 at 9:53 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , )

 

 

I remember life growing up on our ranch.

I loved having the animals, but my brother and I soon learned how much work there was in caring for your animals. You rose early in the morning to feed,water,and clean the many animals pens.If you had a lamb you were entering into the fair, every morning and evening after your animal finished eating, you walked that animal for one mile. On our ranch we had a circular driveway I forget how many times around the driveway counted as the mile. A couple of weeks before the fair, you ran your lamb around the driveway for the mile. The reason is simple-if you the seller are trying to get top dollar out of your ( not wanting to really sell your beloved pet) lamb,the buyer would not pay much for a flabby lamb. My brother and learned early, if you put the effort into the animal now, it will pay off later. 

I appreciate the chores and the caring I had for my lamb, and horse growing up.My brother and I always had a horse show, or a demonstration day for our rabbits or lambs that kept us busy. Let’s not ever forget getting your homework done in between times. My brother and I learned a good work ethic. There was a joke in my family unless you were dying, you went to school. There is something to be said I think(now) of a good old-fashioned up bringing. we did not have all the materialistic gadgets to occupy our time. we were to busy riding our horses, caring for our rabbits and sheep and cows and chasing off the snakes and skunks and deer and oh dear how much fun we had growing up. Life was simple yes, but we had everything we needed including discipline,work ethic, time management instead of wasting time. 

How sad to me that just twenty or thirty years have gone by and today teens have no idea what respect is anymore. I am not picking on the teens but if I talked to my parents or grandparents the way some teens do, I would not have sat down for a week. You said please and thank you because you were grateful there was food on the table plus it shows respect. We did not ignore and adult if we were spoken to. We did not just keep playing our game of our phone or keep listening to our iPad if we were asked a question. It is almost a sad thought that the good old days really are gone for good. When you had company over for dinner, you played a game or swim in your pool. Afterwards,you had desert. Today, you are lucky a family can have a sit down meal together and discuss the days events. The face of our generation is sure changing and what is unimaginable to me is to think about what is going to become of the next generation of kids. If families don’t have time for dinner now before jetting out the door to dad’s game,what are we teaching our kids on how to raise our grandchildren?thumbnailCACS6RH0

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Where Is Our Great Nation heading?

April 18, 2013 at 1:51 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

 

 

 

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I was stunned to hear the news.

Not yet another  senseless tragedy. I could not believe  what my eyes were seeing. A bomb going off at The Boston Marathon.  When will we feel a sense of security again? maybe not ever I am afraid. It is sad that a marathon in Boston was the latest tragedy. It is getting to the point where you don’t want to go to the store, send your children to school or let them play outside. When will this craziness stop? If this can happen in Boston, I cannot imagine what will happen in the next few months with city fun runs and kids sports kicking off soon. 

People used to say they would not travel to another country, there is too much violence… Well, I think pretty soon the same people will be saying they won’t travel to this city in America because there is too much violence in it. I think folks will reconsider where they travel for vacations this year. Unfortunately, I think this level of violence is only going to increase. At least authorities have a suspect , although no arrests have been made.

I am saddened for our children. There has been such a fear instilled into them. Parents are afraid to send their children to school, teachers are afraid to teach the kids for fear of a gun or knife being brought into school. What has happened  to our great country that we are dealing with this kind of  tragedies more frequently?  Summer vacation used to be something a family looked forward to, now there isn’t anywhere I care to visit as a tourist. Getting scary out there.

I don’t know about you, but I feel we as a nation-

We should have the right to feel safe in our community.

We should have the right for our children to feel safe while at school.

A teacher should have the right to feel safe while teaching your kids at school.

No child should go hungry tonight.

No parent or animal should feel hungry tonight.

We should feel safe to attend a movie with our family.

We should feel safe walking down our streets.

 

 

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Putting Things in Perspective

April 2, 2013 at 11:25 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , )

 

 

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Lastweek, I was helping my

cousin and her husband with some cleaning as they are getting the house ready to put on the market. my aunt had sold her house and is moving in with my cousin and her husband. They have a beautiful log house on a hill on five acres. (I would love to set in the mornings and watch the deer eat while I had a cup of coffee). What I would not miss the is the continual up keep of the house.

While I was taking a break, my cousin’s husband and I began chatting…. He brought up an interesting point of view. R remarked that so many people wished they had done this or regretted they did not accomplish that. He said why can’t people just be satisfied with where they are today? I was thinking about what R had said and can relate to his comment. How many times have we caught ourselves wishing I would have or only if… would we really had been any happier than we are now?

Sometimes I find myself pondering how my life would have turned out had I not married my husband so many years ago. Had I decided to be career minded instead of choosing marriage and mother hood I would have missed out on some of the best and worst times of my life. My late husband had complications from diabetes; It was hard to watch his health decline. My husband died just 6 short years after we were married. I was left to raise my young son alone. Single parenthood presented many challenges and difficulties My son Levi and I survived them all. I raised him from childhood through his teens. I am proud of the fine young man Levi had become. I can truly say I have had my dreams fulfilled. I had always desired to be a wife and mother, even though my life had taken a different direction than I had planned. I never thought I would have lost both my husband and my beloved son. I am healing more everyday and have the love and support of family and friends. I would not trade the hardships and difficulties I endured in my life I am a stronger person for them.

The next time you find yourself playing the what if game, just remember how much you have to be thankful for. You may not have the nicest house on the block, drive the sportest car or have the grand vacations every year, but I bet you have so much you can say thank you to God for and I am living my dreams. Sometimes all we need is a praise adjustment.

I am blessed to have so many wonderful memories of both my husband and son to write about. As I keep writing I am remembering things I have long forgotten. I write to keep their memories alive. I started out my writing career journaling- I kept a journal writing down everything that transpired to bring me peace and strength. I refer to my journal to bring inspiration to my stories I share. This has been a long painful journey I have been on, but I would not trade any experience for anything. I am happy  where I am today. Are you?

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My Journey To Finding Happiness Again

March 24, 2013 at 4:31 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

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Life can change in a moment.

 

One day, you are living your best life ever, the next day your world can come crashing down around you. What do you do when tragedy strikes?  How do we survive a loved ones disease, and how do we survive the loss of that loved one? Sometimes we do not realize how fragile life really is. We never know how we deal with life changing circumstances until we are faced with them.

I have been a care giver since I was a teenager. my dad had been sick as long as I can remember. I would help care for my dad while my mom worked. Caring for my dad taught me compassion and responsibility. I had always pursued a career as a paramedic. I found out there were height and weight requirements for the job. I was disappointed to learn I did not meet the requirements for the job. I went into the Health care field and I have found it very rewarding. 

When my husband and I married, we thought we would grow old together, envisioned a life raising ou family, looked forward to retiring some day, imagined a life as proud grandparents to our son’s children. My life had taken a different direction. My husband had complications from his diabetes. He died just 6 short years after we married. I was left to raise my young son alone. Single parenthood presented many challenges. I was mother, father, and sole provider for my family of two now. I had many hardships and difficulties raising my son, but Levi and survived them all. I raised my son from childhood through his teens. 

After the death of my husband I was overwhelmed with the awesome responsibility of raising my son alone. I suffered from depression. When Levi went to school, I stayed on the couch. I not only suffered the loss of my husband,but my income was cut in half. Levi was a strong-willed child. There were days I did not think I had the strength to care for him as a good mother should. I always drew my strength from God. I had to realize life was going to be okay and I can get through being a single parent. I also had to deal with critical comments from people in my life. Being a single parent was hard enough, I felt like I really had no support. I am happy to say I did not drink, smoke or do drugs during this trying time in my life. I still am just a coffee drinker. mainly because there are so many yummy coffee creamers out there to try. 

People talk about depression and it’s effects. I can tell you depression does hurt. You feel lonely, you feel sad all the time, you say ‘I am fine’ when you feel like your whole world has ended. I had to care for my young son who needed me to be available for him. There were not many people I could talk to about my struggle because I was told to get over it Levi needs me. What people do not realize is yes, my son needed me, but I had to take care of me too.

 

As Levi entered his teens, he had his own struggles I had to deal with. Levi’s grandpa died when Levi was 15 years old he was devastated. Now I had to deal with and help my son through his depression. Levi was put on medication so you could stand to be around him and his attitude problem. Growing up is tough as a teenager.Then of course, we as parents do not know anything….

  About this time, Levi moved in to help his grandma after his grandpa passed away. Levi told his grandma ‘I will take care of you grandma’ I laugh at the thought.

 

In July 2007, my son set off with some friends to float the river, by that evening both our lives were changed forever. Levi was involved in a tragic car accident. There are no words to describe the depth of grief I felt that day. One day you are putting gas in your sons’ new car, the next day, Levi was fighting for his life. People have often asked me how could I survive such a loss. I have a strong faith in God and I realize the deaths of both my husband and my son did not mean it was the death of me as well. For me, healing is accepting the loss and know I will keep moving forward in the good things God still has for me. it has been a long journey from feeling overwhelmed, depressed, hopeless, to joy, living my dreams, feeling useful instead of useless, encouraging others to live the dreams they envisioned and not let fear rule their hearts. Life is good indeed.


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Becoming a Man Of His Word

March 4, 2013 at 11:28 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

 

 

 

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I taught my son Levi to be a man of his word. When my son was six years old he learned a valuable lesson. his grandpa invited him to go fishing with him, but Levi’s friend invited him to go to McDonald’s with him instead. I told Levi he would hurt his grandpa’s feelings if he chose to go with his friend instead. Levi had a good fishing trip with his grandpa. My son and his grandpa were best buddies. They had many more fishing trips, camping trips with grandma and grandpa going to the hot springs in Montana. I really appreciated the break when my son could go on a fun adventure with his two favorite people in his life. When Levi became a teen, he helped his grandma with his grandpa when he became terminally ill.

 

I became a single parent when my husband, Levi’s father died from complications from his diabetes.  I was given the awesome responsibility to raise my young son alone. I became mother, father and sole provider for my family of two now. Single parenthood presented many challenges and difficulties. Levi and I survived them all. I raised Levi from childhood through his teens. Levi was quite the artist. I have many of his drawings in my bible and hanging in my bedroom wall. When his grandpa died, Levi drew an awesome picture as a tribute to his best friend. We don’t realize our words are heard and all the hard work we poured into their lives, comes back in blessing to us as parents. The one comment I will always treasure from my son is ‘you were always there for me and you never gave up on me thank you mom. I love you.’ I treasure these words more than ever now. My son was lost in a tragic car accident in July 2007. he was only 20.

Some people still ask me today if I get angry at God because I will never be a grandmother to Levi’s children or watch Levi get married.  The thought does cross my mind sometimes when I see grandparents taking their grandchildren to the park or walking the dog. But I am not angry at God,  feeling like He took this away from me. God has walked me through some of the darkest days of my life. I am thankful I was given priveledge to raise this fine young man.  I would not trade all the struggles and challenges I had to face as a single mother to my son. The greatest gift of all is be called mom or dad.

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February 20, 2013 at 5:20 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

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I have had a rough couple of weeks.

I finally had some time to read some of my FB posts and saw this quote. Every morning has a beginning,a new blessing and a new hope.  I needed to read this and remember circumstances may look bleak, but with the morning sun also comes new beginnings and sometimes a different outlook. We never know what tomorrow brings do we… 

A dear friend and I went to lunch and shopping today at the local mall. It was nice to get away for a few hours and then head back to reality. My friend is heading back to Ireland next week.  My friend told me she lives in a heritage village,and  flowers are already blooming. I want to be packed in her suitcase and go home with her. A few years ago, this same friend helped me redo my bedroom into a B&B bedroom. She also helped me turn my son’s old bedroom into my dressing room after his death. I have been blessed with a special friend for many years.

May we take time to laugh, hug our children close, tell our children how proud we are of them, tell them we are glad they are in our lives, and take time to smell the roses. Life is too short not to live it to the fullest. My life was forever changed with the deaths of both my husband and my son but I made the choice to find happiness again. I feel so blessed when I drive by my son’s old grade school and remember waving to him on the playground. I have so many great memories of a son I love and miss dearly.

 

 

 

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Wishing You A Happy Valentine’s day

February 14, 2013 at 11:50 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , )

 

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Happy valentine’s day everyone.

I know today can be a hard day. For some, today may be the first Valentine’s day you have spent after a divorce, some may have children in the Military,for others it may be your first year since your children have left the nest. Some may have a special someone to celebrate with tonight and many do not. Wherever you are in your life, always remember how much you are loved by family and friends around you even if you didn’t receive a card or a phone call, you are very loved and thought of. I lost my husband to complications from his diabetes. I raised my young son alone from childhood through his teens. In July 2007, my son died in a tragic car accident. He was only 20.  I understand the pain many are feeling. Today is sweethearts day and I do have a sweetheart. God has walked me through some of the darkest days of my life. Through His grace, mercy, love and daily encouragement, I am walking forward in the good things that still lie ahead for my life. I had to realize the deaths of both my husband and son did not mean the death of me as well.  I am excited for my future and what it holds. Life is not easy, but with the love of friends and family I have learned how to live again. Life is good indeed!

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February 8, 2013 at 5:41 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , )

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I Smile down On you From Heaven

February 7, 2013 at 6:01 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , )

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I smile down from Heaven on you

 I watch you as you sleep; I watch you as you

  laugh, and I watch you as weep.

When you cry tears, make them of joy not sorrow

for I really am happy here. I am in a wonderful place, 

a place full of joy, beauty where tears never fall.

Your life had changed forever one day, but my memory lives on in your stories.

If I could say one last thing it would be how

much I love you, I miss your smile, your laugh,

and how much you supported me and always had faith in me.

Your faith in God kept you strong. He keeps you moving in the right direction.

I can’t wait to see you again mom; To hug you, show you the beauty of Heaven. 

I will never forget the mom who never gave up on me in my darkest times,

a mother who always saw the best in me and knew I would be alright.

When I lost hope, you were there in my corner cheering me on.

My gift back to you mom, is how much you mean to me and I am glad

God had chosen you to be my mom.

Love you mom.

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It’s Monday Again

February 4, 2013 at 6:47 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , )

 

 

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I started my morning off early taking my mom to get her blood workup then we went out to breakfast. I came home to write a quick blog post, then off again with a dear friend for lunch and a short drive around the area. I love to drive around one our local lakes and enjoy the snowy scenery. 

I have been touched by the response to my recent excerpt from my first book.  When I cashed a check this morning, one of the bank rep. stopped me and told me how much she enjoyed reading my post.When I started keeping a journal years ago, I would not have thought I would have a blog or be a published author. As I keep writing, I am remembering things I have long forgotten. Some stories are easy to write and others are more painful. When I drive by my son’s old grade school, I can imagine waving to him on the playground,or having lunch at his school. I remember going on motorcycle rides with my husband or playing with Levi at the park. I have so many treasured memories of a husband and a son I love and miss dearly.

Sometimes I am asked how could I keep moving forward in my life and have my positive attitude. I realized the deaths of both my husband and my son did not mean the death of me as well. I learned how to let go of the dreams I held for grandchildren. Growing old with my husband. looking forward to retirement one day. I had to learn how to live again no easy feat. My life had been centered around being Levi’s mom for many years. When I write a story, it helps me to remember  life is good no matter what your circumstance. I could have become bitter and angry but what would this have accomplished? I turned Levi’s old room into my dressing room after he moved out. I love to get dressed in the morning and put on my pajamas at night. I have found this is a great way to start my day. 

Hug your children extra tight tonight, ask  them about their day and tell them about your day today. I know the days are long, the hours at work are long, I had to remember there was a young man at the end of the day who was glad to see his mom. I am proud of not only of the fine young man Levi had become but also God chose me to be his mom even if for a little while. Happy Monday.

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