Would You Live your Life Over Again?

January 6, 2015 at 4:36 am (COMFORT AND JOY, Creative Non- Fiction, Family stories, Memoir, Mothers, Single Parent, Survivor, Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

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Someone once asked me if I could live my life over again would I.

I answered him yes I would.He was surprised at my answer because he had known me for several years. He knew of the many struggles I have had in my life. I also reminded my dear friend that I have had God watching over me and I trust in Him. I remember he told me I was a brave person because if I had lived my life over, my husband and son would still be here. I told my friend God has walked me through some of the darkest days of my life and He would stand beside me again and again . I appreciate the question though. Many people cannot believe I live with such a strong belief in God, after loosing my son in a tragic car accident in 2007, I chose to trust God not become bitter and angry at him.

Being a survivor has its struggles. I miss the bright spot in my life. Levi was the best gift god could have given to me. I am proud of the fine young man he had become. I also feel blessed to have been a wife and mother even if for a little while. My life had changed in a moment, but by the love and support of my family and friends, I living my life to the fullest. I did not know then I would become a writer, or a published author. I write because I enjoy sharing with you the many happy memories I had with my young family. My life has forever changed, but for the better. I know I will see my husband and son again soon. I live each day with thankfulness in my heart. There is so much beauty around us from falling snow to listening to the children as they sled down the hill again. I love hearing the families as they are walking the dog (or the dog pulling the kids in the sled).

Sometimes life throws you a curve ball you didn’t see coming. I heard it said you can’t change your circumstances but you can change your attitude in your circumstances. What a true statement. I look forward to a wonderful 2015. I thank you so much for your support and visiting my blog.

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I Really Needed Today…

March 27, 2013 at 9:13 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

coffeshop7

I have been going through

a rough season in my life . I have been trying to keep a positive attitude in this trying circumstance and see the big picture of things.  I have been really trying to keep motivated as not to let depression come in and make itself at home in my life. We face challenges in our lives that can seem overwhelming at times, but we try to remember this is not forever and it has to get better soon.

At least spring is around the corner and we can enjoy some sunny warm days to plant and spruce up the place. After the long days of winter spent inside keeping warm, you look outside at all the projects awaiting you. My lawn guy came yesterday and fertilized the lawn so this is a start. Soon we will be busy pruning,planting mowing, watering and making our gardens beautiful unless you have a black thumb like I do, then you just hope for the best.

My best friend and I went to lunch on Monday. We both just really needed to get away for a couple of hours. We went to a local restaurant to have our usual salad and iced tea. After lunch, while I was paying the bill, my friend went into the living area to set by the fire. We met two beautiful ladies and struck up a conversation. I don’t know how we started talking about our lives, but we found out both women were sisters and had lost their husbands a year ago. I told them I had lost both my husband and my son. my friend told the ladies I had written a book about my experiences. The ladies asked me where they could buy a copy of my book, they wanted to purchase a copy after they left the restaurant. I told them and we all went on our way. My friend and I went to the book store to browse the magazines. When we were leaving, I saw the lady come into the store. She asked me where is my book? We went and found the book and as she was going to pay for her copy,she walked by an elderly lady at the end of the aisle. My new friend told the lady this is the best book ever, and this lady here is the author. After my new friend purchased the book sh asked me if I would sign her copy. ‘Of course’ I said. As I was finishing up, the other lady asked me if I would sign her copy also. I sold two books that day. All because we struck up a conversation with two ladies who had I had also much in common with.

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My Journey To Finding Happiness Again

March 24, 2013 at 4:31 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

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Life can change in a moment.

 

One day, you are living your best life ever, the next day your world can come crashing down around you. What do you do when tragedy strikes?  How do we survive a loved ones disease, and how do we survive the loss of that loved one? Sometimes we do not realize how fragile life really is. We never know how we deal with life changing circumstances until we are faced with them.

I have been a care giver since I was a teenager. my dad had been sick as long as I can remember. I would help care for my dad while my mom worked. Caring for my dad taught me compassion and responsibility. I had always pursued a career as a paramedic. I found out there were height and weight requirements for the job. I was disappointed to learn I did not meet the requirements for the job. I went into the Health care field and I have found it very rewarding. 

When my husband and I married, we thought we would grow old together, envisioned a life raising ou family, looked forward to retiring some day, imagined a life as proud grandparents to our son’s children. My life had taken a different direction. My husband had complications from his diabetes. He died just 6 short years after we married. I was left to raise my young son alone. Single parenthood presented many challenges. I was mother, father, and sole provider for my family of two now. I had many hardships and difficulties raising my son, but Levi and survived them all. I raised my son from childhood through his teens. 

After the death of my husband I was overwhelmed with the awesome responsibility of raising my son alone. I suffered from depression. When Levi went to school, I stayed on the couch. I not only suffered the loss of my husband,but my income was cut in half. Levi was a strong-willed child. There were days I did not think I had the strength to care for him as a good mother should. I always drew my strength from God. I had to realize life was going to be okay and I can get through being a single parent. I also had to deal with critical comments from people in my life. Being a single parent was hard enough, I felt like I really had no support. I am happy to say I did not drink, smoke or do drugs during this trying time in my life. I still am just a coffee drinker. mainly because there are so many yummy coffee creamers out there to try. 

People talk about depression and it’s effects. I can tell you depression does hurt. You feel lonely, you feel sad all the time, you say ‘I am fine’ when you feel like your whole world has ended. I had to care for my young son who needed me to be available for him. There were not many people I could talk to about my struggle because I was told to get over it Levi needs me. What people do not realize is yes, my son needed me, but I had to take care of me too.

 

As Levi entered his teens, he had his own struggles I had to deal with. Levi’s grandpa died when Levi was 15 years old he was devastated. Now I had to deal with and help my son through his depression. Levi was put on medication so you could stand to be around him and his attitude problem. Growing up is tough as a teenager.Then of course, we as parents do not know anything….

  About this time, Levi moved in to help his grandma after his grandpa passed away. Levi told his grandma ‘I will take care of you grandma’ I laugh at the thought.

 

In July 2007, my son set off with some friends to float the river, by that evening both our lives were changed forever. Levi was involved in a tragic car accident. There are no words to describe the depth of grief I felt that day. One day you are putting gas in your sons’ new car, the next day, Levi was fighting for his life. People have often asked me how could I survive such a loss. I have a strong faith in God and I realize the deaths of both my husband and my son did not mean it was the death of me as well. For me, healing is accepting the loss and know I will keep moving forward in the good things God still has for me. it has been a long journey from feeling overwhelmed, depressed, hopeless, to joy, living my dreams, feeling useful instead of useless, encouraging others to live the dreams they envisioned and not let fear rule their hearts. Life is good indeed.


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February 20, 2013 at 5:20 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

SUNP0117

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have had a rough couple of weeks.

I finally had some time to read some of my FB posts and saw this quote. Every morning has a beginning,a new blessing and a new hope.  I needed to read this and remember circumstances may look bleak, but with the morning sun also comes new beginnings and sometimes a different outlook. We never know what tomorrow brings do we… 

A dear friend and I went to lunch and shopping today at the local mall. It was nice to get away for a few hours and then head back to reality. My friend is heading back to Ireland next week.  My friend told me she lives in a heritage village,and  flowers are already blooming. I want to be packed in her suitcase and go home with her. A few years ago, this same friend helped me redo my bedroom into a B&B bedroom. She also helped me turn my son’s old bedroom into my dressing room after his death. I have been blessed with a special friend for many years.

May we take time to laugh, hug our children close, tell our children how proud we are of them, tell them we are glad they are in our lives, and take time to smell the roses. Life is too short not to live it to the fullest. My life was forever changed with the deaths of both my husband and my son but I made the choice to find happiness again. I feel so blessed when I drive by my son’s old grade school and remember waving to him on the playground. I have so many great memories of a son I love and miss dearly.

 

 

 

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Living Your Dreams

January 26, 2013 at 4:40 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

coffeshop7

I went into the Health Care field having to help care for my dad while my mom worked. My dad had been sick ever since I could remember. In High school, I took my dad to his doctor appointments. Growing up  a young care giver taught me responsibility, compassion. When I graduated from High School my plan was to become a paramedic. There were height and weight requirements to be considered for the program and I was disappointed to find out I did not meet those requirements. I chose the Health Care Field instead. I have found my occupation of choice very rewarding

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Finding Happiness Again

January 21, 2013 at 3:35 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

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When my husband and I married, we thought we would grow old together, we envisioned ourselves raising children, talked about traveling when we retired, and imagined a life as proud grandparents someday. We were blessed with a miracle baby. Because of my husband’s disease, we had a ten percent chance of ever conceiving a child. God had other plans for our lives. Levi was the best gift God could have given us. My life was forever changed 6 short years after we married. My husband’s life was cut short due to complications from his diabetes.

 

Suddenly I was left with the awesome responsibility of raising my young son alone. Single parenthood presented many hardships and difficulties. Levi and I survived them all.My life was once again forever changed. I lost Levi in a tragic car accident in July 2007. He was only 20. I am healing more everyday. If I had not had my life changing moments, I would not be the person I am today. I have a new purpose for my life. It has been a long, painful journey. I find strength in my morning devotions, my writing and many friendships. I am able to reach out to others with words of encouragement. As I heal, I remember things I have long forgotten. When I drive by Levi’s old grade school, I imagined seeing him playing on the playground, I had a lunch date with Levi in the school cafeteria (we would look over the school menu on the couch and plan when I would come), when I see the snow-covered ground reminds me when Levi spent hours outside making his snow tunnels and forts. I have cherished memories of a son I love and miss dearly.

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The Rumor Mill

March 13, 2012 at 3:21 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

I don’t know why but in almost every job, you run across the old rumor mill. The funny thing about it is this,most of the time, the person starting the rumor probably does not know the full details and then gets everyone angry at the boss. There were some changes at my job with the new supervisor of my department. I think most of the employees reverted back to kindergarten this past week. I have never seen more griping in my life. There will be more changes in store at a moments notice I am sure. God did a miracle today. two care givers were mad at me. I dreaded going to work. I was actually sick to my stomach this morning. Well, in my prayer time this morning I brought the problem before the Lord and asked Him to help me. The two care givers were really nice to me(plus if they needed anything from the kitchen I am now the only one that can get it for them) But they were cordial to me. I am grateful to have had a good day. I have learned to try and ignore rumors.

 

A couple days ago, I took my aunts out to lunch for a birthday. It was a nice time to get to play catch up as one of my aunts is moving soon. On the way home, I stopped by the cable company to pay my bill. One of the ladies I know asked if I had brought her a book. I told her she could get one at Hastings and Barnes and Noble. She went out and bought her copy. She called me later that day to ask if iwould sign the book for her. When I got there, she informed me another cashier wanted a signed copy of my book also. My day got better. The next morning I went to work. One coworker told me she has to wait to get my book from Hastings book store and Barnes and Noble book store because they are all sold out and ordered more copies. God is awesome. I really needed a way to get out of this funk Ihave been in. This did it. When you are an author, you really don’t know if people liked the book or not. I am glad my book is getting into the hands of readers who need uplifted. Some of my book talks about my husband who died from diabetes and my son Levi who died in 2007 in a car accident. Some days are more of a challenge than otheres. Your grief comes in waves of intensity. I cry more days than others. I have been blessed with the best gift I could have ever received from God  even if for a little while.

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